Am I the only person who feels like I am just growing up too damn fast? I know I like wanted to be an adult really bad when I was younger, but I take it all back. There is just this constant overwhelming feeling like I am just on this hyper-growing up speed and everything is happening so fast. It's as if once I became a senior in college everything started changing. All of my friends started moving away and growing up, and of course, I didn't think that would ever happen to me. Unfortunately, I am not going to be young forever and adult life creeps up on you. Relationships start getting serious, you're applying for careers, and suddenly you have to make life-altering decisions. I swear yesterday I was wondering what kind of career I would be in and suddenly I am one of those people just "in a career." I started to wonder if I had chosen this, or fallen into it...I guess it's a little bit of both. You get internships, internships turn into jobs, and jobs turn into moving across the country, which means your entire life changes instantly. I know I wanted the cool job in the big city, and a cute apartment and the perfect friends but I just want to go back to crazy summer nights with my real friends when it felt like that was going to be my life forever. I want to know all the street names, never have to use GPS and know exactly what my friends are doing on the weekends. I want to stay in the comfortable environment that I've created. But, with all things that force you to grow they require a little bravery, a push, and getting the hell away from your comfort zone.
Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for the future. But, it comes with a side of "scared shitless." And I think we don't talk about the scary parts as much, because then it seems like we aren't grateful or excited. But let me tell you, I am so excited to move to Germany, but I am also very scared. I leave behind my life, for 6 months. Just to come back to a life of uncertainty. It's scary, but obviously, I'm like counting down the days until I can hop on a train and see a new country...duh. I think you just never know where life is going to take you, and sometimes you have to put on your big kid pants and take risks. Now, I know that I take a lot of them, but I also have had a really rad life, with loads of experiences. I know that in the long run, these decisions are the right ones, and they will influence my life in such a positive way. But don't think that I am confidently making these decisions. I am just crossing my fingers and hoping that it all works out for the best. And I think that's what growing up is. Pushing yourself, pushing the limits, and seeing just how far you can go.
So here I am, pushing the limits. Working 3 jobs, packing my bags for a foreign country, and then possibly accepting a job that requires a shitload of bravery from this girl with little boobs and big dreams. Because if you have big dreams, you have to make big decisions. Are they always right? No. But I get to say I tried, I get to say I experienced, and I get to say I gave my dreams everything I had. Sounds cheesy, but that's the way you get shit done, by just going out and doing it. So I'm just here to tell you that if you're questioning that job, or internship, or travel experience because you're scared...that's your self-doubt talking and you've got to push through it and take a leap of faith. That's the only way you're going to grow as a person, and that's the only way you're going to grow up. Which isn't a bad thing, it's a new thing and a scary thing. But growing up is also so fun, and so liberating. So let's grow up kids, we got a lot of shit to change. Let's make the world a better place.
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Next stop Thailand (and a couple of connecting flights)