So this one time I packed up all my shit and traveled across the world cause I felt like it.
Yeah, I could sit here and tell you about how unreal the scenery in Bali is, or how I ate a fresh pineapple on a white sand beach while getting a massage, or about the time two young beautiful British boys offered to buy me a drink, or about the 2am hike up the tallest mountain in Bali just in time to see the sunrise while drinking the most delicious cup of coffee I’ve ever had, while sitting next to a baby monkey. I could brag to you about all these amazing adventurous I had but that’s not really what this post is about.
This post is about Bali and the eye opening, earth trembling, and hard to ignore experiences that I felt while visiting this place I had dreamed of for 2 years. Bali started out as a dream…I knew I wanted to travel at a young age but I had so many places I had no idea how to narrow it down to the 1st place I was going to go. I was sitting on pinterest one night when I searched “safest solo female trips” and there it was..BALI…and that was it, I knew in an instant that it was BALI.
There is no way to describe that feeling. I felt so many emotions that I just sat in silence and shed a few tears and I knew I was going to Bali no matter what. I felt the same feeling when I booked the hotel, and then the airplane ticket, the passport, and then when I got on that first plane. I never had a doubt, I was never worried, and I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I joke that until I won’t get married until I feel the same way about the man I am marrying as I did about Bali.
When I got to Bali I was overcome with so much emotion that my taxi driver probably thought I was mentally insane, since I was just looking at every single thing and just crying. I didn’t realize that Bali would actually change my life in the way that it did. I knew travelling changed you, and I knew that I might have some eye opening experiences but I didn’t expect this many, or to feel that deeply while on “vacation.” So here I am with a classic list of things I learned in Bali with literally the tiniest explanation compared to the depth of emotions I could dive into. I could’ve wrote a blog post on each of these and I still might so just love me ok? Can you do that this one time?
You can do anything : Simple right? You can do anything. No, not simple. It’s like meditation. Meditation is literally just sitting on the floor and thinking nothing yet it is near impossible to do that it takes people years of training until they can actually fully meditate. So, yeah it’s easy to say you can do anything but to actually do anything is wildly different. I knew I wanted to go to Bali for two years, people didn’t believe me, at times I didn’t believe me, and my bank account definitely didn’t believe me but somehow after working hard for two years and never giving up I was in Bali. It was so inspirational, I became my own inspiration. I had a wild dream and I went for it and I did it. That’s something that changes your life.
If you think you deserve more, odds are you do : This can apply to almost anything, although I think it had more of a specific meaning to me. This last year has been hell and most of that is due to other people treating me less than I have felt like I deserved. I’ve had to make some hard decisions and cut some people out of my life and that has been incredibly hard. But I discovered in Bali that I feel about myself how other people treat me. If I feel like someone ditches me a lot and doesn’t really want to be my friend I start to feel like I am not someone people want to be friends with. If you constantly don’t include me or make me feel left out I start to feel like I am not a person that should be included, and that there are a million people better than me. So in order for me to be happy and positive about myself I need people who don’t drag me down. I need friends who share opportunities with me, make time for me, want me to hang out with them and their other friends, and who make me feel like I am valuable. I want to feel valuable. And I have very few friends that make me feel that way and I have to step back from the rest.
You are valuable: I haven’t felt valuable in a long time. I feel insecure, dumb, useless, friendless, and alone most of the time but in Bali I felt valuable. Strangers thought I was smart and pretty and unique. I felt like I had something to offer to this world and my own opinion of myself changed within an instant. I stopped listening to what everyone was saying and tried to just think of myself and what I had to offer the world and I discovered that I have a lot to offer.
You don’t always have to be the “Cool Girl” : You know the cool girl? Who dresses in guy t shirts and ripped jeans, never needs to DTR, listens to old rock, hardly wears makeup or brushes her hair and still looks perfect, and seems to never be affected by anything anyone says about her. That’s who I have been trying to be and it’s not me. I care about everything, I care about everything too much. I hate old rock, and I care about what people think of me. I will keep the boy t shirts and ripped jeans but that’s strictly due to being comfy AF and being bad ass.It’s ok to be emotional, and have feelings. It’s ok to want a commitment from a guy, it’s okay to be a girl and watch one tree hill. I think I just needed to finally allow myself to not be so into being someone I am not and just being me. Hopefully that still means I am cool…but like it’s also ok not be cool.
Stop giving a shit: Hannah, stop caring so much about who people think you are. Get out of your fucking mind. If it makes you happy, keep it. If it makes you sad, ditch it. If you’re not sure, ditch it. I cling to everyone and everything no matter how shitty it is, or how shitty they treat me. JUST LET GO. You’re going to eventually lose the things that make you sad so save yourself some crying time and get it over with. You are worth so much more than you think. You are worth so much more than what you think others think.
Well I think those are some of the most valuable things I learned while in Bali, and some of them are going to be a lot harder to actually do than others but eventually I think that I will be OK and that I will do hard things. Cause I’ve done hard things before and not to toot my own horn but I kick ass at it.
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Next stop Thailand (and a couple of connecting flights)